6:00am: Stare at alarm clock.
6:30am: Turn alarm off.
6:45am: Cry.
7:00am: Cry in shower.
8:30am: Arrive at work.
9:30am: Mentally arrive at work.
10:00am: Eat cold pizza.
10:45am: Pretend to pay attention to boss.
11:00am: Start texting ex.
11:00am: Save self and delete text before sending.
11:15am: Read old text messages from ex.
11:18am: Kick yourself for every bad thing you said to him.
11:22am: Kick yourself for the even worse things you never got a chance to say to him because fuck him.
12:00pm: Eat more cold pizza.
12:22pm: Listen to coworker talk about her perfect boyfriend.
12:25pm: Refrain from killing coworker.
1:00pm: Attend meeting.
1:15pm: Think about all the dick you can have.
1:22pm: Roll your eyes because you don't even want no dick right now.
1:39pm: Realize it's crazy that you don't even want no dick.
1:44pm: Accept the fact that you'll be alone forever.
2:00pm: Wonder what the fuck that meeting was just about.
2:15pm: Cry in bathroom stall as quietly as possible.
3:00pm: Eat two Snickers bars and stalk ex on social media.
3:15pm: Regret the fuck out of your decision.
3:22pm: Remind yourself that you did the right thing.
3:40pm: Eat third Snickers bar...try not to puke.
4:00pm: Delete his number from your phone.
4:00pm: Reprogram his number that you know by heart into your phone.
4:30pm: More social media stalking.
5:15pm: Arrive home, wonder how you got there.
5:52pm: Check text messages.
5:53pm: Check voicemails.
6:00pm: Order pizza.
6:01pm: Think about cancelling pizza order and going to yoga instead.
6:48pm: Eat delivered pizza.
7:00pm: Start more social media stalking.
7:00pm: Realize you've been blocked from all social media.
7:01pm: Cuss him the fuck out in your head.
7:04pm: Cry to friends about it and listen to their advice telling you it's for the best and time to move on.
7:30pm: Decide friends are idiots and obsess over the blocking instead.
8:00pm: Obsess over everything.
8:15pm: White wine.
9:00pm: Red wine.
9:15pm: Rum.
9:30pm: Check and see if you're still blocked. You are.
9:15pm: Consider blocking his number as it's the only power you have left.
9:16pm: Question why you need this power.
9:17pm: Beat yourself up for every flaw you possess including beating yourself up too much.
9:30pm: Remind yourself that you're the one that broke up with him and for great reason.
9:50pm: Question who the fuck gave you authority over your life and allowed you to define "great reason".
10:00pm: Get really tired of yourself.
10:14pm: Get really tired in general.
10:33pm: Pee, then sit on the toilet for thirty minutes convincing yourself this is it. Peeing is now the greatest feeling you'll ever experience again.
10:55pm: Go to bed.
11:43pm: Go to sleep.
Rinse. Repeat for two more weeks. Hopefully only two more weeks. Good luck to you.
